What if getting a life you love were easy, fun, and energizing?
Change happens! Getting a life you love is up to you.
Today I heard someone say, “Our employees need to just deal with the changes around here. Move on. Get over it. We have work to do.”
Well, twinkle, twinkle little star… if change were only that simple!
We’re all being asked to change quickly because situations outside of us are changing so fast – technology, global economies, highly connected societies. And yet, many people struggle with how to change.
- How do you reorient yourself when your situation changes?
- How do you redefine yourself when what you knew is different, sometimes radically?
- What helps you with getting a life where you easily transition from one change to the other without sacrificing your true self?
Author William Bridges Explains the Difference Between Change and Transition
My go-to person for change is Dr. William Bridges, author of the book (along with many others) Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Bridges has made a career out of helping individuals and organizations make the most of change, especially personal change.
In the early ’90s the company I worked for was going through layoffs. Since I was in HR, I was part of a team that had to burn the midnight oil putting together severance packages that would be passed out the next day. I still recall waves of nausea washing over me as I read the names of people I knew – people who had no idea that they would soon be getting a life they likely did not want.
Fortunately my manager had the foresight to give all of us a copy of Transitions. Reading this book helped me to process what Bridges describes as the “personal side of change called transition.”
Bridges explains that change and transition are different. Change is situational, physical. Transition is psychological, emotional. It’s important to understand the difference and then you can do something about it. Ponder these questions…
- How do you re-create yourself in the midst of change you don’t want? Reorganizations, layoffs, new manager who doesn’t know what you do, being fired, new project assignment
- What helps you stay productive and engaged in the midst of all the change going around you?
- What happens when change is good (new baby, business growth, marriage, etc.) but you’re not feeling particularly energized or happy?
Author Angeles Arrien Teaches the Art of Letting Go
Another book I recommend is The Four-Fold Way, by Angeles Arrien, especially the chapter, “The Way of the Teacher.” In this chapter, Arrien suggests that we must learn the art of letting go.
Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring or become passive. It simply means you are more open-minded and flexible, trusting yourself and your own creative abilities to make the transition. And you might just discover getting a life that’s better than you imagined.
8 Ideas to Help with Getting a Life Where Change is Easy
I’ve put together some ideas from Bridges and Arrien’s books to help you work through the changes in your life – to assist you in the transition process. Getting a life where change is easy could be closer than you think…
- Invest in self-renewal. You don’t have to go away for months of meditation (unless you just want to and can afford it). Set time aside daily for silence, listening to what is true for you. Just be! Don’t be surprised when wisdom starts oozing out of you!
- Don’t be reactive. Many people go into firefighting mode when they are going through a change. Essentially they focus on tasks (to-do lists) and are not thinking about the big picture. Their strategies aren’t very effective because they are trying to short cut the process. I advise my clients to enjoy the process and don’t let fear sidetrack you into getting a life that’s even more difficult.
- It’s okay to be uncomfortable. Stress symptoms are a sign that something is changing. You don’t have to be afraid that something is wrong with you. Don’t resist either. Recently I experienced a change I did not want; my usual response is to fight the feelings of anxiety and fear, and see the bright side. This time I tried a different approach – I invited the scary feelings in. I began pruning my gardenia bush & saying out loud every fear I had about this situation. I was just about to finish my pruning when I lost my footing and fell right into that bush. Laughing out loud, I said, “Thanks for the nudge, God! I guess it’s time to move on.”
- Don’t change too much at once. When everything around you seems to be changing so fast, look for something that’s stable. Maybe it’s a ritual of eating Mexican on Friday nights (mine), watching a favorite tv show with your whole family, or walking your dog on Sundays …
- Talk to someone. A coach, trusted friend, or professional counselor will help you make sense of how you’re feeling. You don’t need someone to tell you what to do (although you may think you do); you need someone to help you brainstorm creative ideas for working through the transition. You need support, encouragement, and ideas for authentic action.
- Explore your future. Bridges states, “Transitions clear the ground for new growth.” As you are working through the change you’re in right now, there are growth opportunities waiting out there for you. What skills, abilities, interests, passions need to be explored? Who can you talk with to help you answer the question, “What do I really, really want”?
- What else do you need to learn? When things change, you’ll likely have to learn new skills and increase your knowledge about certain things. I walked away from my corporate job with a plan to use the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my career. My strategy was to explore lots of different paths and be open to what emerged. Soon I reconnected with a former colleague who said, “You should check out the coaching field. You’d be great at that.” So I did, and I knew after my first day at class that coaching was the career for me. Be a lifelong learner so that you will always be on the leading edge of change.
- Change has a shape. This is something I wasn’t aware of until I read Bridges’ book. Something ends, next comes a season of “fertile emptiness”, and then there is something new. This is how change occurs.
Now is the Time for Getting a Life You Love
If you think about that last bullet, the “fertile emptiness,” that’s the part that most people don’t even think about. We think we can take a shortcut and just hurry through, but keep in mind that part of that term is “fertile.”
Hands Holding a Seedling and Soil ca. 2000
It takes time for seeds to germinate, babies to grow, and bread to rise. Getting a life and career you love requires you to nourish and tend to your transition process so that change is easy, fun, and energizing.