Let's get real about authenticity.

Not the sanitized, LinkedIn-friendly version where we're all "vulnerable but victorious." I'm talking about the messy, complicated truth of showing up as who you really are – even when it rattles people's cages.

As we step into 2025, I've been reflecting deeply on what authentic leadership truly means. Not just as a leadership coach, but as a human being navigating my own complex relationships with family, colleagues, and myself. The kind of authenticity that matters isn't about "fitting in while being yourself" – an impossible contradiction that leaves us exhausted and hollow.

The High Cost of Fitting In

We've all done it. Tweaked our personalities to fit the corporate mold. Swallowed our truth to keep the peace. Played small to make others comfortable. As Brené Brown powerfully states, "The opposite of belonging is fitting in... If we fit in because we've changed who we are, that's not belonging, because you've betrayed yourself for other people."

The cost? Depression. Anxiety. Burnout. Not knowing when to be bold and decisive and knowing when to include others - because we’re letting our discomfort be the deciding factor. 

But here's what most authenticity advocates miss: There are two truths about authenticity that seem paradoxical but actually complement each other perfectly.

First, at our deepest core, there is an unchanging essence – a wellspring of wisdom and power that remains constant no matter what storms we face. When you're anchored in this core, you don't need to fear the storm; you can become the storm. This is the eternal part of you that can navigate any challenge with grace.

Second, the way we express this core essence is constantly evolving, shaped by every challenge and interaction. True authenticity requires both: staying rooted in our unchanging core while allowing our expression of it to grow and adapt. It's about knowing what we can let go of without losing ourselves.

This dual nature of authenticity – eternal essence and evolving expression – is what makes authentic leadership so powerful. It gives us both stability and flexibility, both roots and wings.

But how do we know what's core and what we can let go of? Here's my tried-and-true litmus test:

• What to keep (Your Core): Things that feel essential to who you are – when you imagine letting them go, you feel diminished or like you're betraying yourself. These are your genuine values, your innate ways of seeing the world, and your authentic voice. For example, if speaking up against injustice is core to who you are, staying silent would feel like betraying yourself.
  
  
• What to let go (Not Your Core): Things that feel like obligations or external expectations – when you imagine letting them go, you feel lighter and more free. These are often the "shoulds" we've accumulated from others. For example, if you feel pressured to be the always-composed, never-emotional leader, letting go of that expectation might feel liberating.

I could let go of my need to always be "professional" in the traditional sense – that's a constructed identity. But I can't let go of my drive to challenge the status quo when I see a better way – that's core to who I am. The first brings relief when released; the second would feel like self-betrayal if suppressed.

This discernment becomes your compass for authentic leadership. When you know what's truly core, you can flex and adapt everything else while staying rooted in your essence.

Rooted Power: Where Drama Meets Wisdom

This is where the concept of Rooted Power comes in. At IAMX, we teach that true leadership power comes from owning both your "Best Self" and your "Drama" – those reactive, triggered parts of ourselves we'd rather hide.

Rooted Power means:

• Acknowledging when you're triggered instead of pretending to have it all together
• Taking responsibility for your emotions instead of blaming others
• Using your challenges as fuel for growth instead of evidence of failure
• Speaking your truth without using it as a weapon

When you're rooted in this kind of authentic power, you can challenge others without projecting your unresolved issues onto them. You can be both professional and rebellious. You can honor both tradition and innovation.

The Role of Doubt in Authentic Leadership

One of my favorite pieces on authentic leadership comes from Robert T. Weston, who writes about the power of doubt: "Cherish your doubts, for doubt is the attendant of truth... Those that would silence doubt are filled with fear; their houses are built on shifting sands."

This is crucial: Authentic leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about being secure enough in your core to question, explore, and evolve. Your doubts aren't weaknesses – they're tools for discovery.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Rooted Power

1. Get Radically Honest About Your Drama
   • Notice when you're reactive
   • Identify your triggers
   • Own your part in conflicts
   • Stop blaming others for your feelings
2. Build Your Self-Awareness Muscles
   • Practice daily mindfulness
   • Notice your impact on others
   • Track your energy patterns
   • Listen to your body's wisdom
3. Speak Truth Without Blame
   • Share your perspective as yours
   • Make clear requests
   • Set boundaries with compassion
   • Challenge ideas without attacking people
4. Learn From Your Challenges
   • Use conflicts as mirrors
   • See triggers as teachers
   • Transform drama into wisdom
   • Let difficulties reveal your strengths

The Journey Ahead

As we move into 2025, the world needs leaders who can navigate complexity with both strength and authenticity. Not perfect leaders, but real ones. Leaders who can hold space for both excellence and messiness, both vision and vulnerability.

This is exactly what we teach in our Define Your True Self course, which opens for its next cohort in Spring 2025. Over eight transformative weeks, you'll learn to:

• Center yourself in challenging moments
• Transform reactive patterns into responsive leadership
• Build genuine connections while maintaining boundaries
• Create environments where everyone can thrive

Your Invitation to Deeper Authenticity

If you're ready to stop fitting in and start truly belonging... If you're tired of leadership advice that doesn't acknowledge the messy reality... If you want to lead from a place of rooted power instead of reactive force...

Then I invite you to join our next Define Your True Self (DYTS) cohort. Together, we'll explore what it means to lead with authentic power in today's complex world.

Review DYTS course details here.

‍Sign-up for the DYTS waitlist here.

Remember: Your authenticity isn't just about you – it's about creating space for others to be real too. When you lead from your rooted core, you give others permission to do the same.

Let's make 2025 the year we stop trying to fit in and start truly belonging.