Deciding when it’s time to move on from an unhappy work situation is a common topic of conversation with my clients. Often, a change in perspective will shift a difficult situation to good. Sometimes, what’s really needed is an ending and a move on to something better.
How do you know when to stick it out or when to call it quits?
Before I answer this question, I want to address thinking that typically clouds a ‘stay versus go’ decision:
- Expecting work relationships to last forever.
- Deriving a sense of safety from work relationships.
Relationships, including those at work, can last for a moment, a season, or a lifetime. The key is to know when a situation is complete, at which point a natural ending is best.
Too often people expect relationships to last forever, especially when they get a sense of safety from that relationship. Think about getting a steady paycheck. People on both sides of giving and receiving pay often continue the relationship well past its natural conclusion – because both sides are avoiding what they fear will be a difficult conversation or ending. It feels safer to stick with the situation as-is.
We are free to make changes that are good for everyone involved when we aren’t stymied by the fear of conflict or an ending, and we derive a sense of safety from faith and trust in ourselves instead of the stasis of relationship. All relationships, including those at work, have natural seasons that we need to honor.
Given this understanding, here are some typical factors I’ve experienced myself and with my clients that are important to consider in the ‘stay or go’ decision:
- Lifelong Learning
- Stay/Keep: Healthy life-long relationships are built on ongoing mutual learning. A dedication to learning keeps relationships interesting, productive, and growing.
- Go/End: Dysfunctional relationships are caused by a lack of ability or willingness to learn. People who are blaming are not learning, they are stuck in drama patterns, and the last thing you want is for their drama to become your drama.
- Shared Leadership
- Stay/Keep: Relationships are long lasting when both sides take 100% responsibility for maintaining healthy communication and interactions, including process checks.
- Go/End: Relationships break down when desires/needs/wants are withheld. Learning about performance/contribution dissatisfaction at a yearly performance review or after months of silence means leadership is not being shared.
- Best Self
- Stay/Keep: Mutual benefit is maximized in an ongoing way when both the employee and employer experience fun, creativity and joy by bringing their best selves to work.
- Go/End: Drama such as persistent health issues, family challenges, and excuses about lack of engagement must become openings for essential learning or these situations will create unsustainable relations.
- Common Values
- Stay/Keep: Common values are like magic in a relationship; they make it easy to focus on ‘what matters most’ for all people involved in a work effort.
- Go/End: Working with people who have different values is like trying to function on an alien planet. It’s better to say aliens are ‘not my thing’ and simply leave rather than struggling. Aliens are not bad or wrong, they’re just alien!
- Leverage Strengths
- Stay/Keep: Optimal productivity occurs when people use their talents and strengths. Relationships are long-lasting when people support each other in using their strengths to the greatest extent possible.
- Go/End: The goals of an organization change over time, as do the knowledge, skills and abilities needed to accomplish work. When the goals of a business no longer require your strengths, it’s time to either reinvent yourself and the work to fit, or move on.
- Honor Motivations
- Stay/Keep: Honoring your motivations and interests becomes the passionate fuel that keeps relationships evolving toward a shared vision.
- Go/End: People who use their talents in an organization but are not interested in outcomes to which they are contributing, cannot and will not be sustainably engaged and excited about their work.
Very few unhappy work situations are clearly complete. It usually takes some time and effort trying to address the issues of poor fit described here, to know when you have reached the end of a season.
Employment situations are different than entrepreneurial collaborations; the stakes are much higher for small businesses that have very little spare energy and resources to invest in dysfunction and drama. I rarely see successful entrepreneurs waste the learning that comes from drama.
In all situations, once it is clear you are complete, you must act. Your integrity, your energy, and the results of your business are at stake. And I promise, creating clean and healthy endings is something that you can become really, really good at! The end of one season means the beginning of another.
When determining the season of your work relationships, you must decide what factors are right for you to consider. I know for sure that unhappy work situations are caused when the factors I’ve discussed here are not addressed in a timely fashion.
What other factors do you consider when deciding to stay or go in a work situation? Let us learn from your experience!